His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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