Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
