I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
