it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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