so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
