last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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