I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
