can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina is officially offended.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
