My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
