it wasn't lemon gatorade
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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