I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
