that's an acceptable place to lick
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize