we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
