youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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