There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
