You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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