yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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