all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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