If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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