Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
