no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
