so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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