i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You pole danced in your parka.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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