she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
