We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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