your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
