Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
