its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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