the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
