Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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