Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
