my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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