Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
