I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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