Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
