IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize