All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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