having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you didnt know i had herpes?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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