Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
