the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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