I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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