Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Someone shattered a urinal.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
