Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
