theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
