haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I did not marry a roomba.
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