And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
