what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize