and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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