Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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