Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
