I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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