i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
