I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
