The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
