Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
