i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize