Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
There's even glitter on my cock...
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