So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
