he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
