she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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