yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
