My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We smell like vodka and hangover
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
