i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
