Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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