I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Actions speak louder than pants.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
