tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize