Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
my nose is crying tears of wow.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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