the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
