Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I currently don't understand fingers.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize