Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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