And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
