i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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