You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
