I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
