Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
