If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
