fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
