Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
