Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
