The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
