Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
