Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
