Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
