he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
