i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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