I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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