i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
