i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
