Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
