it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
