my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I intend to get homeless drunk
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
