ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
