thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dicks are not precious.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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