Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
