did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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